Dear Ones,
I am so tired of the pain and flow of bad news. I know I am blessed in many ways.....
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1. My dear John is alive, beat up and in pain, but alive. How could I go on without him???
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2. Even though I broke 15 ribs and my sternum, my feet, legs, hips and pelvis were not broken...that is a miracle in itself. If those bones were broken and I couldn't walk I would almost for sure get pneumonia.
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4.My facial bones were not broken or teeth knocked out.
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5. My sweet friend Sil, spent 9 days by my side doing all she could to comfort and uplift me in spite of her own pains and discomfort.
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6. You all have been wonderful to leave comments, send cards and sweet gifts.
I know how blessed I am but all the bad news of the last 2 days along with the terrible pain have just worn me down today. After 14 days in ICU I was moved one notch above to PCU.
I was sad to leave the 1 on 1 nursing care to this floor is ration 3 to 1. Already I have asked for care and waited almost 3 hours to get it. And then I was told since I am more stable tonight they may move me to a main ward tomorrow and that idea scares me even more. I can't even turn over in bed or do anything for myself. What will I do if they put me on a regular floor?
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The doctor wants to take out my catheter tomorrow in fear of me getting a bladder infection. How will I stand the pain of having to get up often when I have to pee?
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I've had adverse reactions to most of the pain meds they have tried since they took the epidural yesterday. Because of that I am in constant pain and failing to breath deeply enough. They will decide tomorrow if I need my lung drained again or if I need surgery to put plates in my separated ribs, When I breath, cough or move, I can feel those separated ribs moving in my chest.
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I feel badly because I was not nice to Erin or John today when they visited. When they tried to be so supportive and optimistic I and remind me what a miracle it is I am alive, I told them I wish I wasn't. I told them I would rather be dead. I know that hurt them. I do not want to leave them.... they are so dear to me.... I just don't want to hurt anymore. I feel like I can't do this.
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A nice therapist told me that the bad thing about throwing a pity party is that no one wants to come and no one brings refreshment..... so limit the time of it.
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I will try to limit the time this dark party I'm holding . I will try to find the faith and patience to endure. I am mad at myself for the way I feel tonight. I will think of my family's love and yours. I will try to turn my fears over to the Lord. I will try to submit to His will..... but it seems it would be so much easier if I hadn't been so "lucky" 2 weeks ago.
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Upps, my IV just infiltrated for the 3rd time. They will be coming in now to put in a new one. It took them 4 tries last time this happened. I hope they will find a vein that will work.
THIS IS NOT FUN! Sorry I am so down. I know I am blessed.
Hugs, Lura
DISRUPT
2 days ago
22 comments:
Dear Lura,
You have been on my mind often. And just so you know, I would love to attend your pitty party. :) I can only imagine what it must be like for you day after day to be in such pain! My heart goes out to you. I had just a glimpse of excruciating pain after my c-section with the twins in February, and I think about you enduring all you have so far with smiles and I believe you deserve a trophy! My thoughts are with you. I don't have pictures of the twins up on my blog yet but I plan to do that soon. Keep hanging in there and keep healing. Love, Wendy Graves
oh lura...its okay to throw a pity party...i'll bring cookies :)you need to vent and express your feelings. you are going through a horrendous ordeal and the pain you must be enduring must be excruciating. i'm so so sorry. it breaks my heart:( just remember, your kids and your grandkids need you. i need you. so many people need you. you can get through this, not just for you, but for them. this is a trial of your faith and i know you can make it. things WILL get better. you WILL have a normal life again. it may be a long road, but the reward will be so sweet. however, i know its annoying when you are going through crap and people are optimistic and you feel like, "they don't know what i'm going through. they need to just shutup! they need to just tell me that this sucks. and quit trying to lift me up."(well thats how i feel about things when they are going wrong:). when i've had something bad happen(and i've never had anything even close to what you are going through!), i just want people to join the pity party and stop the positive stuff sometimes:) so yeah, this sucks!!! totally. but try to keep focusing on the blessings...your list was great:)
love you. . .
I am so very sorry. I will continue in prayer, and ask our precious Heavenly Father to please comfort and care for you in His very special way. May He also watch over and direct your care, no matter what part of the hospital you are in. May He hold you close and surround you with His Love.
(((((with prayer and care and hugs)))))
Dawn :-)
Washington State
Dearest Lura,
We have been praying non-stop for you. I feel so bad you are having a party for yourself, if we were there we would join you too. Thanks for being human and honest. When Greg had his back surgery, he had those same thoughts. Pain stinks, but endure it we must. Can you imagine not having your little grandchildren around you and missing milestones in their lives? No, so endure you must, if not for you, but for all of us who adore you. We love you so and look forward to hearing your messages honest and frank as they are. You are a tough cookie Lura and again we are sorry you are having such a rough time. Keep hanging in there my dear. With love, Barbara and Bishop Greg xoxox
Dearest Lura,
We have been praying non-stop for you. I feel so bad you are having a party for yourself, if we were there we would join you too. Thanks for being human and honest. When Greg had his back surgery, he had those same thoughts. Pain stinks, but endure it we must. Can you imagine not having your little grandchildren around you and missing milestones in their lives? No, so endure you must, if not for you, but for all of us who adore you. We love you so and look forward to hearing your messages honest and frank as they are. You are a tough cookie Lura and again we are sorry you are having such a rough time. Keep hanging in there my dear. With love, Barbara and Bishop Greg xoxox
Dear Lura,
I don't blame you for having a pity party and I would gladly attend. Lura please hang on, don't give up, your a shining light in so many of our lives. I too, will continue to hold you up in prayer.
This is one of my favorite scriptures,that has helped me in difficult times. Love u,
Sandie
Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. Hab. 3:17-18
My dear friend! Life is so hard and painful! Now is the time to turn yourself to the Lord even more than before! Some weeks ago I did just that! I had been really depressed, to the point I hit the very bottom! I finally beg for our Lord to pick me up and carry me! It is amazing the change that came. It is human to slide, and sometimes, we don't want to hear anymore positive! You are an amazing example! Hold tight you can do it! Xxxxx
Lura, I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you do, but I totally can understand why you would. ((((hugs)))) It is so easy for us, who are not suffering in the way that you are at the moment, to say to you, just hang in there, things will get better. We are not the ones who are suffering. But Lura . . . just hang in there. It may seem excruciating at the moment and the clouds may seem very dark, but I promise you that one day, maybe weeks, maybe months down the road, you will look back on this time of pain and sorrow, and then look around at your family and friends who love you so very much, and you will be glad that you hung on and made it through the tunnel. My heart and soul go out to you. I wish so much that I could take some of this away from you and bear it myself. You are a blessing to so many and a wonderful example, even amidst your pity party. You would not be human if you didn't have moments like these. I love you my sweet friend. Know that as much as I love and care for you, your family loves you even more. (I know!! AWESOME!) AND . . . know that as much as your family loves and cares for you, your Heavenly Father loves you EVEN MORE!!! (Even AWESOMER!!!) You will get through this. It won't be overnight. It may not even be overweek . . . but you will get through it. I Love you much. xxoo
Dear Lura, My heart aches for you this morning. I can feel how scared you are that you won't get the care you need and scared about the pain and all the hard work ahead. It sures does sound daunting! If I could, I'd come to that pity party and I'd pin a blue medal ribbon on you for what you have already endured. I'd stay until you were out of pain with ribs stablizedw ith clean lungs. But since my family needs me here, I can only be your cheerleader from a distance and send you all the love, good thoughts and prayers I can muster up. Because I know you can do it. He will lead you through it. You must rely on Him - He has plans for you in the future - I just know that!! And those gorgeous grandchildren need your smiles - we all do! So have that pity party and then get off the pity pot and fight back as best you can. And we will all understand if you need a little pity party every once in awhile!!
Lots of hugs and love!!
I just wrote you a mile long comment and lost it! I'm going to just call you, but a little later because it's very early there. :) blessings, marlene
My dear Lura, I understand how you feel, maybe you think what want God with this? How me? and Is hard, Is a misterious and maybe we never know . Many times I think this when I have pain or a lot of worries but always God remember me, someones suffer more and are sorrow too.
Is difficult that you are living dear Lura and God know this, but remember you are achild of God and He loves you always.
Erin and John understand youi dear Im sure when you live in pain!! you are not comfortable and is hurt to you! and they know this.
Im sure. be calm. Trust in God and try to rest and live day by day.
Hope you feeling better and I pray specially for you today (again) you are not alone dear, we are close, believe me. Huggs and kisses, gloria
Hello, Lura. I've been following your blog. I'm so sorry for this trial! You are in my family's prayers. You need a rest from all of this! Pain can be so tiring!
I've been directing the production, Savior of the World for our stake, so I've been thinking about the atonement a lot lately. I hope you can lean on Him who endured all things. I don't remember which speaker at General Conference reminded us that Christ's atonement was not just for our sins, but for all of our pain and suffering.
That being said, give yourself a break. You have to feel sorry for yourself every once in awhile. Joseph Smith did. Even Jesus Christ had his moment in the garden. It makes you human.
We love you and will be pulling for you, till you are yourself again.
-Your niece, Rachel
Dear Lura
Sometimes we have to have a pity party to let it all go and get it out of our system, then move on. I know it is hard to move on when you can't move. I can't imagine how awful you hurt or feel. I love you and you are in our prayers all the time. Love Ya
You have nothing to shame and nothing to feel sorry for, unless it's for being human, and that's just not a good enough reason. No one, including Erin and John, really think you want to die. You want pain relief, and evidence of improvement, and no surgery or painful procedures hanging over your head. You need Sil sitting by your bed helping you process your fear and your feelings. You need nurses to be attentive to your needs...but you don't really want to die. You're probably saying, "oh yes I do", but if your needs were being met and your pain were reduced you wouldn't!!!
Everyone has a pity party at one time or another. I have great pity parties, only I tend to let them last way too long. For me, cancer was one big pity party, and now here I am 5 years later and I am so grateful for these years!
I get it Lura, you are alone and in pain. It's a terrible place to be. I promise you that you will make it and that things will improve and you will be glad. Until then, hang in there. Feel the warmth and love of your family, friends, and especially Heavenly Father.
Love you Lura, Jan
Yes...you must get well so you can go to the Temple with me!!!
My dear Lura, Can I join you in your pity party, You have been so wonderful throughout all the pain you are having to endure and it makes me weep to think of you feeling so very low. especially as there is so little I can do for you other than keep you in the forefront of my prayers..when I get to my very lowest point... I think back on what our Lord had to suffer on that last fateful day how he was crowned with thorns, spat upon, hung on the cross and he bore all that for us. Who are we to think we are suffering.....somtimes it helps ! sometimes it dosn't !!
As you might know my beloved Sister died a week ago today and I am having a bit of a pity party as well...so come and join me...we will get out of it together.
LOve Sybil xx
Lura,
It was so wonderful to visit with you the other day! And I love how you really do keep a humor about you! I think everyone needs a pity party though and I love you all the more for just being real! :) By the way, right when I left your room I got a call from the school and my little boy had broken his arm! It's never a dull moment! I'm hoping to come back and see you again. Hang in there!! I am praying for you!! You are definitely a hero to me!
I am praying for STRENGTH for you!!! Hang in there!!!! ((((Big S...O...F...T hugs)) from all of us!!
You deserve to be on a pity pot. I can't believe how you are doing and you look wonderful. Take care and I will talk to you soon. I'm going to let Marta know.
Love,
Cheryl
Oh Lura, don't be down on yourself for having a pity party. With all you're going through you have every right. I'm such a wimp where the least little pain is concerned, I can't even start to imagine how you can endure such an excruciating amount--let alone with smiles and humor. YOu definitely deserve some kind of trophy. Praying for your pain to subside soon and for a speedy recovery.
I love you mama. You are allowed to have a pity party... you have deserve it for sure! As your daughter, I will always be there to listen, and then do my best to be your greatest cheerleader, would you expect anything less? :) I love you and you are in my constant prayers!
I am so sorry I still couldn't be there Lura, for your pity party! I feel like I deserted you when you still needed me, but I really had to go home. I need to make doctors' appointments and work on the cancer spots. Ron is leaving and will be gone for the better part of three weeks. Home can't run without one of us there. But I will call and talk to you as often as I can to help you through it! I love you Lura. You are my other half, and I am so sad when you are. I know you will be strengthened when you need it the most. Heavenly Father loves you.
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