3 rules to a happy marriage..My anniversary words of wisdom or whatever???

As you learned from my last post, Saturday was our 46th Anniversary.

Since posting about our # 46 several people have asked me what is the secret of having a long lasting happy marriage.

I’ve given it some thought.  I’ve not come up with anything original but these are my thoughts on the matter.

 

When we were married we were students at BYU.  We had 3 years of college under our belts…. we knew we had  to go 2 more years to finish up and get our degrees and teaching certificate.  We had little savings.  I was almost 21.  John had returned home from serving at as missionary in Central America and had just turned 23.

We were young and trim and so much in love that we thought marriage would be a piece of cake. We couldn’t imagine ever finding fault with one another.

Like in the fairytale, we planned to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Then reality set in. Life turned out to be a lot harder than we thought it would be. We found out that even cake can get old and taste stale. Some days we were blissfully in love and happy…. and on some days we were barely “in like” and felt upset  and angry with each other.

The ebb and flow of happy/unhappy marriage when on for several years.

We went to church, prayed and read the scriptures regularly…. but I didn’t find out what real love is until I discovered 3 simple rules.  I am sure that you know them…. but until I embraced them, we were not truly happy like we are now.

1. I Pray daily that God will help me see good things to love about my husband and help me be a loving and supportive wife.

For years I prayed that God would change this or that about John. I finally figured out that me trying to change John wasn’t working, but I could change me and my outlook. That made all the difference.  When I quit nagging, pouting and complaining and started working on my own attitude and behavior, John became more and more loving and responsive to my desires. Look for things that you appreciated about your spouse and tell him/her.  As my acceptance and appreciation of John grew, so did our love for each other.

#2.  It really is true that life is going to hand you some lemons…. When it does you can pucker up and hate the bitter taste…. or make lemonade.

We’ve all heard this a 1000 times…. but it really is true.

As I look back on every hard/bitter experience I’ve ever had, I can see there has been a benefit and growth that’s come from it that I couldn’t see at the time.  Just trust God and turn to him in the midst of your sour days and He will give you the sugar to sweeten up your life better than it ever was before. It may take some time to realize it … but it will happen.

God has a plan for us… and a purpose for every challenge we face. He hears our prayers even when we think we are not getting the answers we want and deserve. I love the scripture that says,”Be still and know that I am God”

Sometimes, we just have to be still and trust that God knows what He is doing… and all will turn out to be for our good.

#3. It is more important to be kind and make your mate happy than to be at war proving you are right. 

No two people are going to see eye to eye on everything. In previous years, when John and I argued, and I knew he was wrong…I knew I was right we disagreed. I didn’t want to give an inch and could not let it rest until I hammered the point in to prove I was right. There was little victory in being right because that left both of us hurting and mad at each other.

(Note: No husbands were actually hit with a hammer during the making of this post.)

I finally learned that you can not be contentious and have the spirit of the Lord in your home.  Without the spirit of the Lord, you can not be really happy. Most disagreements aren’t worth a hill of beans in the long run. Keeping the spirit of love and harmony in your home and in your relationship with your spouse is far more important than proving you are right. … and … after you cool down and reevaluate, you often find that you weren’t so right after all.  Saying “I’m sorry” may not always be easy but it is nearly always worth the effort.

Those are my 3 simple rules to a happy marriage….Stay close to the Lord and your spouse and make lemonade. It has worked for us. We have never loved each other more… and we are still working on it.

My surgery is Monday morning. John and I are both nervous…. not because we are worried about the outcome as much as  we just hate that I have to go through another painful procedure. We both appreciate the prayers and concern you have shown us.   Thank you.

Hugs, Lura