The Rest of the Story (Accidentally deleted ,revised and rewritten) I hope you will visit me again.

I did SUCH A DUMB THING! I accidentally deleted this whole post after I spent over an hour writing it....URGG!!...That caused all of the comments you had already made to be erased....URGG AGAIN ....you know how every comment is sacred to us bloggers. Oh well, I really want to share these stories with you so I will start over. How sad huh??? Here I go.... I will try to remember it the best that I can.

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I am not putting in the story about Shirley since I can not reach her to get permission. Instead, I will substitute another one of my stories for the one I wrote yesterday about her. These stories are very special to me. I hope they will touch your hearts as they have mine.

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Before I start the stories, I want to say thank you so much to all of you who responded to my June 17th post about Lyle's death and Jamie's NILMDTS ministry. I am overwhelmed with your kindness. I am happy that I met so many new blog friends though your comments and I hope that you will continue to drop in and say "hi". As always, I appreciate all of your comments. I feel your love and support. How sweet and tender you are.

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I want to tell you the rest of Lyle's story because even though this was a very sad time for me, it was also a time of testimony building and many blessings.
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STORY ONE- THE POEM

(If you read this story in the old post I deleted scroll on down to story #2. It is a new one)

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It was very difficult for me to get over Lyle's death. I had terrible dreams that I told you about in my last post. I wanted to be a good mother to Lynell (4)and Mindy(2) but I was both a physical and emotional mess. I was terribly weak and had a hard time healing and recovering from the trauma of his birth and the C-section I had to deliver him.

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The hardest part for me was not knowing if his life counted for anything. Is a stillborn a real baby? At the hospital they didn't think so. Did God? Would he ever be mine? Would I have him again. My heart ached for answers that I didn't have.

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One night I woke up, not from the reoccurring bad dreams but from a warm, happy, almost joyous feeling. I knew that Lyle was my eternal child and I would have him again one day. I felt it. I knew it. Some of you might think it was the wishes of a desperate mom, but it was not. It was an answer to my prayers. I knew it. I could not deny it.

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I got up and wrote the poem that I posted on my last blog ( June 17th). I could not write the words fast enough. I did not give thought to the words or how to make them better. They just tumbled out of my mind and on to the paper. When it was done I was amazed. It captured my grief and anguish at his loss (I knew that God understood how I felt) but it was also filled with hope and promise. I will always believe that poem was a gift to me from God. As an interesting side note, I have not thought of Lyle's poem for years, but last Tuesday night when I wanted to type it out for you, I remembered every word easily. Again this confirms to me that Lyle's poem is a gift to me and I will never forget it.

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I would like to rewrite Lyle's poem to make it appropriate for parents who have lost a baby girl. I want to send it to Christine who's beautiful Olive Lucy was still born last August. Christine made a beautiful comment on the post I accidentally deleted. I am so sad. (Christine if you read this post I would love to get the information you gave me again.) Stop by Christine's blog and sign a petition she is circulating for Bill#8960.

http://clownbaby.blogspot.com/

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I hope that Jamie can use it also. If you haven't stopped by Jamie's blog I recommend that you do so you can learn about her NILMDTS ministry. Go to her "Lessons My Heart Has Learned" blog that she posted on June 17th for the heart touching story that got me started on this whole Lyle post.

http://jamiescottage.blogspot.com/

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STORY TWO-THE SURGEON

About six months after Lyle's death I was walking in the mall when I noticed that a lady was following me from place to place. It made me a little nervous and worried. I guess that she could see the concern on my face so she came up to me and asked if I would mind talking about the night my baby died. I did not recognise this lady and had no idea how she knew about Lyle. She told me that she would never forget me and then told me the following story.

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She was a scrub nurse during my C-section when I delivered Lyle. I guess that all of the surgical team knew that Lyle was dead but I did not. When he was delivered I didn't hear him cry and everyone was quiet and sad. It shocked me when they told me he was dead and asked if I wanted them to dispose of his body. I got very upset at the idea of them throwing my baby in to the trash so they knocked me out. This is where my nurse's story begins

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All of the surgical team was ready to do a hysterectomy to stop the massive bleeding and save my life. (I remember seeing my surgeon covered in my blood. My nurse said that the blood started spurting out as soon as the surgeon made the first incision) She handed my doctor the knife and he started to cut and then stopped. They were all confused since time was of the essence to stop the bleeding. My surgeon said that something stopped his hand from making the cut. He said that he did not know if he could patch me up enough that I could every carry another child but he had to try. The whole surgical team was amazed at the time and effort he took and skill involved in sewing up my torn uterus and stopping the bleeding. When he was finished, the doctor said that he felt that God was guiding his hands.

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When my nurse told me this story I started to bawl right in the middle of the mall. At first she felt badly but I told her they were tears of joy. What a wonderful story. It bore witness to me that my Heavenly Father really was with me on that difficult night. It also gave me the courage to get pregnant again. I had Erin two years after I lost Lyle and David three years after Erin was born. They were my miracle babies. I know that they were meant to be in our family just like Lynell and Mindy. God knew it and he helped the doctor to save my uterus. That same doctor delivered both Erin and David. He said it was a testimony to him that God is aware of us and does direct our lives.

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I have taken the time to write this post twice (I still can't believe I deleted it) because I wanted to bare witness to you that I know our Heavenly Father knows us, loves us and is there for us even in our most difficult time. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands how we feel because he has taken all of our pains and sorrows upon Himself. If we will turn to Him, He will gladly carry our burdens for us.

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Thank you for reading this long post..... at least I hope some of you are reading it. I would love to hear from you. Again I am so sorry that I deleted the comments some of you had already made! I hope that you will forgive me and write to me again. This was written (and rewritten) for you with love. Grammy Lura